Parenting can sometimes be intense; it is one of the most trying roles that many of us take on in life. Blending a family to include children from your partner’s prior relationship can sometimes add even more of a challenge. Here are some tips if you are in a blended family system.
Set time aside to spend together.
· Despite
the hectic schedules that go along with raising children and making a family
work, it is always important for the parenting couple to take care of the
intimate relationship. Whether you choose to go on a date once a week or
have alone time in the house without the children, make sure you are giving
your relationship the nurturing and time it needs in order to keep the
connection alive.
Encourage children to express their
feelings openly.
· Giving
your child or your stepchild “a voice” and the chance to express how they truly
feel can be a gift. When someone shares their deepest feelings about something,
it makes them feel special that you took the time to listen. This
provides an opportunity for growth for that child. Children are no
different than adults in this way. Besides, when you take the time to listen
to a child and validate how they are feeling, it deepens your connection with
them and builds trust.
Remain committed to the partnership by
focusing on what brought you together.
· The
strongest couples have a “united front” attitude. They are able to
recognize that they are in “this” together.
Even though there are disagreements, they are able to reconcile quickly
and maintain positive regard toward their partner. Children are very
observant, and if there isn't a crack in the couples relationship, the lack of a united front will give the
illusion that there is.
Keep expectations realistic
· Conflict
will arise in any family system, and it has many faces. The effective
couple who finds themselves in a blended family uses every opportunity to work
together in order to come up with solutions to problems and manage them every
step of the way, instead of avoiding conflict. Every conflict that arises
is not going to be handled perfectly, and sometimes you may have to step back
and allow the biological parent to handle his or her child independent of you.
Remember, there is more than one way to handle a conflict. Since blending a
family is like a journey, be flexible and always look for opportunities
to learn the lessons that lie ahead.
The step parent defers to the
bio-parent when it comes to discipline
·
In
the beginning stages of blending a family, it can be confusing for both the
children and the adults. Everyone is working hard to find their place in
the family to define their role and meaning, particularly when the previous
relationship abruptly had to come to an end. It is particularly important
for the step parent to give the bio parent room to discipline their child; this is to avoid increasing any negative perceptions the child may already
have about the step parent. As the relationship strengthens and the
trust develops between the step parent and step child, things may change in the
disciplining department.
Encourage one anothers children every
chance you get.
· Children
love to be praised, even for the smallest of things. Make sure you and
your partner are taking the time to recognize every good thing that your
children/stepchildren are doing right. Point it out to them constantly.
This will encourage positive behavior from them more often than not.
Praise is one way to make everyone feel a part of your union and not feel left
out.
